We Survived YTK and Its Infant Decade To Date...

I wrote the following on the last day of 2009, before the Haiti earthquake. Does it change my mind? No, not at all. Please forgive the wagging finger, but although I firmly believe we should help the Haitian cause, for the love of all humanity, make sure who you're giving your money to in this tragic time.

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New Year's Eve 1999. The world waited, watched, and held its breath, expecting all computer systems around the planet to crash, and take civilization along with them into some black silicon hole from which there was no escape.

Never happened.

The only survival kit I needed January 1st, 2000, was a long winter's nap to sleep off the beer of our partying at home with neighbors the night before. We can't ignore the fact that the new century really didn't get underway until a year later. Yeah, alarmists tended to overlook that.

Even my GW2K G2 did nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing. I sat nearby while the ball dropped. Nothing. The 1999 technology, then sitting in a corner of our kitchen, is about what you can now slip on your belt, as most of us do. The machine is still in the basement waiting to be reborn as a big doorstop or a small anchor.

Ten years later and some are looking to 2012 as a pivotal year. Nostradamus alleges to have singled out 2012 in one of his quatrains as the year that the world now known will end. It's unclear, in my view, whether or not a new world will emerge, only that the one we're now calling home is finished in 2012.

Why, even the Mayans, that mysterious and brilliant tribe that once ruled the Yucatan and Meso-American culture, are said to have nailed 2012 as doomsday, or is that doomsyear?

Mathematical and astronomical systems, art and architecture, were all in full and practiced use by the Mayans. A bit beyond twenty years ago, I had the great good fortune to see Tulum and stand on the very sand of that breathtaking beach you see right here.

Somewhere, there's a photo of my then fiancee and me, arm in arm in the brilliant Caribbean sunshine of a January day. All smiles for the camera, I couldn't take my eyes off of her, yet the ruins and the "it-can't-be real-but-is" blue of the water, and the significance of where we stood was not lost on me.

We had a tour guide that day, a gentleman of Mayan descent, who walked us through the ruins. The one thing that forever stuck in my mind is his saying the Mayans, despite their advanced state, had yet to discover and/or invent the wheel. Even today, that sounds suspicious to me.

Sitting here on New Year's day 2010, it seems to me he never mentioned that our world was in its final decades, either.

Despite many swearing that the Mayans predicted 2012 as at least the beginning of the end, factual information argues strongly to the contrary. Put another way, they never said any such thing.

The Mayan calendar apparently ends with 2012, does that mean it's over? For good measure, it's now also said that the Mayans set the date, that would be December 21st, 2012, which means we'll miss Thanksgiving by one day, while many will have finished up Christmas shopping before Earth goes spinning out of its orbit and tumbles off into the cosmos. December 21st is also the Winter Solstice, so will winter have begun, not begun, or be just beginning at the very second the world comes to an end?

See, I love a good conspiracy theory, so much so that my belief is that one day, some theory will turn out to be true. What then will happen is that no one will believe it's true, because there are so many conspiracy theories to choose from that the very one that proves true will be dismissed as just another crock.

Will the world end in 2012? Given the ignored fact that the Mayans observed several different calendars, all of which appear to reset and recycle upon expiration, and that what they observed changed frequently, odds favor a big disappointment for all local chapters of The End-Is-Near Club.

Also ignored is that pesky little fact that no Mayan calendar matches up with the calendar we use, the Gregorian Calendar.

Had enough? One more bothersome fact. There is ample proof suggesting that the Mayan 2012 matches up with the Gregorian 2007, meaning that it already happened, we're still here, and not to worry.

Will it all end in 2012? Betting huge money against it would be pretty safe. If our world is still here in 2013, you could win, win big. If it's not here, you can't collect, you can't pay. A genuine win-win.

Happy New Year!

The Center of The Universe and the GPS...

Did you ever hear the one that Scranton is the center of our universe?

The sense in the nonsense on this claim is grounded in the allegation that most everyone in at least the USA has some connection to Scranton. Many would take it beyond our borders.

Personally, I've found it to hold some water, plenty of leaks, mind you, but some water. For example, try the following on for size:

My first adventure far west took me to Idaho. It was a long day.

My memory's a little fuzzy on the details. What I do know is that it began at AVP, took three airlines, four flights, nearly nine hours before landing in Idaho. If you don't know Idaho, first get comfortable with the fact that Iowa and Idaho are not the same place. Then let me say that Idaho is one of the most beautiful states in our union, maybe not so much as Utah, but really close. Gorgeous, lightly populated, and simply spectacular. Wide open spaces? A four-hour round trip just to have dinner is not uncommon among Idahoans.

Within an hour of landing in Idaho, at Pocatello Airport, I'd met a guy who was born and raised in Edwardsville, which would be the Edwardsville right next to Larksville. I mean Kingston, Edwardsville, Larksville. True story.

Several years ago, the "Scranton" bubble burst.

It was Announced that Olyphant, Pennsylvania, very close to Scranton for those unfamiliar, was really the center of the universe. Start here and join the enlightened.

If that doesn't shove your oars in the water nice and deep, do this one.

There's more, but that's an ample start. Once you get good, then we can talk the Carbondale UFO controversy.

Let's not achieve overload here.

For now, the matter at hand is a recent drive to Olyphant.

An easy trip for most in these parts, especially for those who've been through Olyphant uncountable times, like me.

I've known Olyphant since family trips to Eynon Drug/Sugarman's in dad's '54 Packard.

When 12 or 13, I used to ride my bicycle up the Boulevard, take a right at Dickson City Corners, and pedal on out to Olyphant and come on back home in under an hour.

Then there were high school events at "d'urn," alternately known as The Urn.

The Urn was right down Olyphant's Lackawanna Avenue from "d'anker," which also has an alternate name, that being The Anchor, a vets and war monument from WWII that sits at Blakely Corners. Got any or all of that?

Olyphant is home to Bosak's, Blakely is the same to Kutsop's, both said to have wonderful kielbasi, smoked of course. I will attest to such.

There was positively no need for me to use my GPS to get to Olyphant and Bosak's. But, really, why have a toy if you can't play with it? I punched in Bosak's address before pulling out of the driveway at home, then ignored the voice - I use the female - until forty minutes or so later when I pulled into Olyphant, whereupon things got strange in a hurry.

Any GPS can be wrong, as indicated in a previous post. Given the enormity of what that little box stuck to your windshield can do, it's not surprising that mistakes happen.

What I had here, though, was mistake after mistake after mistake. Once in Olyphant, my GPS couldn't get a street right. Just for squats and chuckles, I kept turning the opposite of where it told me to turn. It would then recalculate quickly.

Each time, it was wrong.

Each time, I kept hearing to "Turn right at..." Invariably, there was no such street.

Knowing full well where Bosak's is, on the Burke By-Pass, my earth to satellite communications were severely confused. Should I be circling Mars looking for a landing, I'd be screwed.

Streets that were nowhere to be seen, 500 feet to a non-existent intersection, turn left where there is no left, and several times the directions took me away from my destination, not towards it. I loved every second of it.

And I loved the kielbasi, both Kutsop's and Bosak's. The delightful young lady at Kutsop's was right about the horseradish and red beets (known by serious old country adherents as "hreen." You'll need to roll the h and the r to pronounce properly.). It was hotter than the hinges of Hades. I loved every spoonful.

Away from kielbasi and back to Olyphant, is this a town with some mystical powers? Is this a borough placed upon the planet by beings beyond ourselves?

Heck if I know.

My GPS seems not to know, either.

Go for the kielbasi, anything else is a bonus.

The Litter Box - 2010's First Stinkies...

I Like the Lawrence Welk Show...Working up the nerve to make that admission takes time. Visiting my grandparents as a kid, they'd sit and watch and smile as the show wound its way through one piece of corn after another, with a couple of Geritol commercials thrown in by Mr. Welk himself. All the while I squirmed and itched on their couch. Going out in the yard and running face first into an iron hinge on their garage door would have been more fun for me. Today, the show reminds me of simpler and uncomplicated times, times when a couple of smiling dufuses dancing across a sound stage floor could excite the imagination. I've been thinking about how old my grandparents were when I sat there on their couch...I don't want to talk about it right now.

Are you ready for Christmas?...You hear that a lot each year. Each year, I'm not ready. Each year, Christmas happens anyway.

Are you ready for New Year's?...Why, is there some approved list I should be checking?

Any New Year's Resolutions?...No, I'm quite fine the way I am, except for that one time I made a negligible mistake, which was driven solely by my desire to relate better to, to Joe Sixpack, or Frank Frontporch, or Mr. and Mrs. Anytown, USA. American futility at it's best; the New Year's Resolution. Make 'em to break 'em. Honestly? I want a great year for our SPCA.

Tiger Woods...Can we all leave this one alone? To say that I couldn't care less is the very definition of understatement. If his "stock" falls, it means that the leeches who were sucking his financial blood are thirsty, maybe drying up. Tough tees. Mr. Woods, I am certain, is fine. Go forth, sir, and do what you do like no other; golf.

Luzerne County's Newest Commissioner...I don't know Mr. Cooney. My assumption would be that he is a man of honesty, integrity, decency, and that he has no intention of trying to run for the seat next time around. That being true and said, could not this court en banc have selected someone, anyone, who has absolutely, positively, undeniably no connection whatsoever to Luzerne County and its recent administrations? Apparently not. For the record, no, I had no interest in the job under any conceivable circumstance.

Jumping Into Ice Cold Water on New Year's Day...Oh, that I had the nerve. I do not. Good cause or not, has anyone ever died doing this? The shock to some human systems has to be deadly. They call him "Crazy" Chris Concert. Chris, you've now earned the title.

Kathy Griffin Drops the F-Bomb Again...That's what she does, get it? Stop paying attention, she'll stop doing it. While we're practicing an ounce of common sense, something show biz isn't real good at, how about CNN and others deny her the venue to let it fly? Oh, some have called it a "curse" word, even wire services and major news outlets have called it a curse word. It's not. A curse word involves asking a deity to hurt someone. The F-Bomb is about as human as it gets. Remember, we made up the word. No one ever came down from any mountain with chiseled stone telling us not to arrange those four letters in that order. Griffin is an obnoxious clod. She does make me laugh a times. At others, I really wonder how she can do that routine non-stop. If I were her, I'd get on my own nerves.

Everyone Wanted 2009 Done and Gone...Just why is the question. Most all folks I've bumped into over the last couple weeks were looking forward to getting this first decade of the new century behind them. Splitting hairs about the new decade not really starting until 2011 notwithstanding, it seems that the last nine years have been unkind to many. A free admission; my lows since 2000 have been the lowest. I don't blame an arbitrary calendar. The only villain is life itself. It's one hell of a journey.

First Night Celebrations are "Dry" Events...Yes they are, and no they are not. Any First Night sponsored event, indoors or out, is dry. At the very same time, every saloon and restaurant in town is open for business, just waiting for you to pop in for a couple pops. This might be filed under clever packaging.

"...side effects may include strange dreams."...Have you ever had a dream that wasn't strange? Aren't dreams by their very nature strange? I keep hearing more and more prescription pharmaceuticals listing longer and longer disclaimers, often being lengthier than the part of the commercial pitching the drug.

Stranded By A GPS...Over the holidays, a Nevada family found itself stranded for three days because their GPS sent them down a remote forest road. A short cut, obviously, a quicker way to grandma's - literally over the river and through the woods instead of using the interstate. About a week before these people got in this jam, my GPS tried sending me up a steep dirt road, one covered with snow, while I was out just poking around over in Wayne County. One glance and I thought, "Kathy Griffin that!" and dismissed making the turn immediately. Brillliant? No. Again, it's that thing called common sense? Try it, it works.

Diocesan School Super Takes Leave...A personal or personnel matter? I suppose both, but since no one's talking as to why the man is gone, I'll speculate. The diocese is clearing the way for a new bishop, who could be announced as early as this weekend. In an effort to make clear the path of that new bishop, many will fall. It's all about that new broom sweeping clean. Bigger by far is the need to get all of the former bishop's allies and accomplices off of the new guy's landscape, that's to further dissociate then from now.

Judge Muroski...A little patience would have prevented a lot of grief.

And so I end for now.